


Bleeding Love

by MsThunderFrost



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Iron Man - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Atonement - Freeform, Declarations Of Love, F/M, Forgiveness, Loki Angst, Loki Feels, Love, Love Confessions, M/M, Trust, Trust Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-04
Updated: 2014-07-04
Packaged: 2018-02-07 09:10:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,134
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1893387
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MsThunderFrost/pseuds/MsThunderFrost
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Written in response to prompt on Avengers Kink Meme:</p>
<p>5 times it was easier to pretend and let Tony lie to him. 1 time (the first time) it was actually the truth and Loki realizes it.</p>
<p>or</p>
<p>5 times Tony said "I love you" when it wasn't true, and 1 time he said it when it was.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Bleeding Love

Loki detested the fact that he was forced into the ‘care’ of the Avengers - ‘care’ was, realistically, a bit of a stretch. Actually, it was more of a condition of his release from the maximum-security magical prison he was being held in on Asgard. Odin had insisted that he atone for his crimes on Earth by being forced to remedy every malicious action towards humanity with a gesture of goodwill. In other words, lending his magical expertise to the idiotic band of baboons known as the Avengers and assisting them in the take-down of their villain of the week. Once Odin was convinced he’d fully atoned for his crimes, he’d be allowed to come home.

 

Thor had been overjoyed by the idea, especially after the Dark World fiasco. The other Avengers… not so much. The red-haired assassin and her bow-wielding counterpart were still not thrilled with him after he’d taken control of the archer’s mind and turned him against his fellow teammates. The man harboring the green mutant terror (Loki still shuddered at the memory of being swung around like a limp rag-doll) continually shot him sidelong, distrustful glances. The ‘Captain’ was usually cordial with him, but in a polite, keep-your-distance sort of way. And then… Well, then there was Tony. Or, as Thor so crudely called him, Loki’s ‘handler’.

 

Seeing as Odin still did not trust Loki as far as he could throw him, he’d added certain stipulations to Loki’s ‘incarceration’. Because Loki seemed to be unable to control Tony by means to magic, he seemed to be the perfect candidate for making sure that Loki kept on the straight-and-narrow. The only problem? Tony didn’t like Loki. Didn’t like his past attempts to take over the Earth, didn’t like his attempts at patricide, didn’t like his sense of entitlement, and definitely didn’t like his holier-than-thou attitude. Loki might have been living under his roof, but Tony didn’t have to like it. And, even if he didn’t blurt it out, Loki knew he was unwanted.

 

However, for as much as he didn’t like the god of mischief, he sure did turn out to be handy. He first noticed this on Halloween, when, in passing, Tony had suggested, “Wanna play a prank on the new interns?”

 

Loki, who had been reading an ancient-looking book, which seemed to be falling apart at the seams, slowly raised his green eyes to meet Tony’s brown. “I thought you were supposed to be encouraging good behavior?”

 

“It’s Halloween.” He shrugged. “Everyone has to let loose every now and then.” And then, “Are you in, or not?”

 

That seemed to have piqued Loki’s interest. Carefully, he lowered the book to his lap. “What were you thinking of?”

 

Tony rolled his eyes. “I’m fresh out of ideas! So who better to consult than the god of mischief himself?”

 

Loki considered this for a moment, then asked, “Stark Enterprises holds an annual Halloween party, correct?” Tony nodded. “I understand that Midgardians consider pizza to be a ‘party food’.”

 

Tony could feel an evil smile slowly stretch across his lips, “What’s brewing in that evil mind of yours?”

  
**LATER THAT NIGHT**

Tony always loved the annual Halloween party. It was an excuse for the entire company to come together, and though he tried his best, he didn’t know everyone working under him as well as he would like to. He attended decked-out in his best Dracula costume - it was the same costume that he wore every year. Only, this time, Loki was by his side. Halloween was one of the only times when Loki could dress in the attire that was most familiar to him and not stand out in the crowd. The only piece missing was his staff… but Tony hadn’t seen that in a long time, and never really felt it pertinent to ask about it’s whereabouts.

 

“Have you sent the interns for the pizza?” Loki asked calmly, following Tony as he pushed his way through the crowd.

 

“Of course.” Tony brushed him off as if this were perfectly obvious. “I sent them a half-hour ago. They should be back any minute now.”

 

At that point, Tony disappeared into the crowd, leaving Loki to his own devices. Loki had forgotten how easy it was to feel terribly lost in such a large crowd. He remembered the balls that his father had held in the palace when he was younger… all of the pretty young maidens dressed elaborately in bright, radiant colors, and the warriors dressed in their furs and leathers. Even as a young boy, nobody had wanted to dance with him. Thor, with his halo of luscious blonde hair and bright blue eyes, had attracted the maidens like flies to honey. Loki, the dark, brooding, studious brother, was more like the fly-swatter.

 

He watched the proceedings through half-lidded eyes, dwelling back by the bar, where he could hopefully continue to lurk under the radar. The pizza had arrived, and after muttering a soft incantation, he took a swig of his brandy. There was an undoubtedly long night stretching out in front of him - he couldn’t leave, not without Tony, but he didn’t want to stay either - and what better way to pass the time than by getting roaring drunk? By his third glass, the screams were fuzzy, distant. His head felt like it was full of cotton, and the other party-goers were swimming in his vision. He was so far gone, he almost missed Tony’s return.

 

“That was hysterical!” He was laughing so hard that his face was turning red, or was that simply Loki’s imagination? Nevertheless, he continued, “How did you come up with that, anyway?”

 

Loki’s swished his drink around in the glass, before replying, “It’s Halloween. What better way to celebrate than the illusion of a decapitated head in your pizza box?” He kind of wished he could have seen their faces.

 

“I think that I might love you. You, and that gorgeously twisted brain of yours.” He ruffled Loki’s hair, and then vanished back into the crowd.

 

And Loki’s alcohol-clouded brain could not convince his painfully lucid heart that he was telling the truth.

* * *

“This better count as one of my ‘gestures of goodwill’.” Loki gritted out through clenched teeth, struggling a little under the weight of a drunk, unconscious Tony. The Allfather knew he’d never been strong like Thor.

 

What did the bastard weigh, a ton? It didn’t help that he was struggling to maintain a cloaking spell as well - it wouldn’t do for half of New York to see him dragging Tony in through the back-entrance to Stark Tower. Because an unconscious Tony looked a lot like a dead Tony, and news of a dead Tony would certainly make it back to the other Avengers before long. If he thought he had it bad with the Warriors 3 looking for his head, he could only imagine being hunted by that green giant. A green giant that was far from jolly. He looked like he could eat Loki for breakfast, and then come back for seconds.

 

“I hope that that red-haired woman was worth drinking yourself into a coma, you fool.” Loki continued to complain, even as he opened the door and hauled Tony inside. “At this rate, your liver must be a ticking bomb.”

 

Tony, eyes closed, seemed to give him a smug, ‘your scrawny ass has to haul my dead-weight over to the elevator whether you like it or not’ look about him. Loki sighed.

 

Dropping the cloaking spell, he switched to levitation, starting toward the elevator with Tony floating behind him. “I could kill her for you. In Asgard, that is the punishment for promiscuity.” Loki offered.

 

Tony’s body seemed to radiate disapproval, making Loki frown.

 

“I have nothing against her. I’m simply not overly fond of Midgardian women, is all. That bumbling fool, Thor, is head over heels for one, and she had the audacity to strike me! And well…”

 

He looked back to Tony, who hadn’t moved in the slightest.

 

“I don’t know why I’m even talking to you, seeing as you can’t hear a word I’m saying anyhow.”

 

They entered the elevator and Loki dropped him, rather unceremoniously, onto the floor. There was a soft, winded grunt, before Tony slowly attempted to sit up and Loki pressed the ‘up’ button. As soon as the elevator started moving, Tony abandoned any idea of moving, simply falling back and rubbing his head soothingly, his other hand coming around to try and settle his turbulent stomach. Another groan, this time accompanied by sick noises. Loki didn’t even need to look down to tell that Tony had just emptied his stomach - the remnants of a burger and fries, which they’d had for lunch - all over Loki’s new dress shoes. Fabulous.

 

“W-Where am I?” Tony winced as the bright, fluorescent lights beat down on him from the ceiling.

 

“Back at the tower.” Loki said nonchalantly. With a snap of his fingers, the mess was cleaned off his shoes. “Two things. One, no woman is worth alcohol poisoning. Two, the next time you pass out in a bar…”

 

“I passed out?” He had his hands over his eyes, shielding himself.

 

Loki rolled his eyes. “...arrange your own ride home.” He finished without missing a beat.

 

The doors opened and Loki raised his hand, lifting Tony into the air again. He started down the hall, managing to quickly locate Tony’s bedroom. He opened the door and entered inside, before gingerly lowering Tony down onto the bed. Having at least enough mercy to leave the lights off, he ventured into the en-suite bathroom and navigated through the mess of Midgardian medicines in the cabinet above the sink. Finally locating a red and white bottle labeled Tylenol, and a pink bottle labeled Pepto-Bismol. Taking out two white capsules and a capful of the pink medicine, he brought these both out to Tony, who took them eagerly.

 

After dry-swallowing, he wiped his mouth off on the back of his arm. “Thank you.”

 

Loki immediately undermined this by biting back, “I couldn’t very well let you die, could I?”

 

Tony slowly stroked Loki’s cheek, looking at him with alcohol-hazed eyes. “You’re so beautiful.” Loki tried to read him, but everything was clouded because of the alcohol. “I love you.” And then, he kissed him.

 

It was just a faint brush of the lips, but it was Loki’s first. His eyes widened, but just as soon as it had begun, it ended. Tony fell back to the blankets, once again unconscious. Loki slowly stroked his lips, “Tony…”

 

But it was just the alcohol talking. Loki was sure of it.

* * *

“Brother!” Thor came charging into the infirmary, all blond hair and bulging muscles. He looked as if he’d just crossed the wrong street cat, bearing long, thin scratches all over his biceps and triceps, and with dried, crimson blood matted in his golden crop of hair.

 

Loki rolled his eyes, flinching when the nurse pressed a little too hard on his bandage. “You act as if I am dying, Thor. Calm yourself. You’re making a scene.”

 

“You very well could have been dying!” Thor exclaimed, rushing to Loki’s bedside. “Don’t act like I didn’t see that monster’s arm impale you! It was just like… like…” And that was all it took for Thor to break down, remembering ‘losing’ his brother in the Dark World.

 

The god of mischief sighed, before patting Thor’s head awkwardly. “Yes, well, I’ve been studying my healing spells, brother. I am well acquainted with the fine art of internal healing. I will be fine.”

 

“You could have died!” Loki realized, with some degree of mounting horror, that Thor was crying.

 

This certainly couldn’t get much worse. “Yes, that is true. But I didn’t, and do not plan to anytime soon.”

 

Oh, but when it came to getting worse, it seemed as if he had spoken too soon. It seemed as if Thor’s histrionics was a cue for the rest of the merry band of baboons to come flooding in like a swarm of bees. At the tail end were Natasha and Tony - Natasha being the one responsible (unintentionally, of course) for his current predicament. He must be going soft. That was the only reason he could think of for willingly throwing himself in front of her and taking the hit (and the three-hundred pounds of brute force that accompanied it, which had nearly crushed him alive) for her. Honestly, she didn’t seem too thrilled by his sacrifice.

 

She claimed the side opposite Thor, casting one look at the mess of a god sprawled out at Loki’s bedside. Then, she punched Loki’s shoulder. “Nobody told you to jump in front of that monster for me.”

 

And Loki was man enough to admit that that hurt like a bitch. He rubbed his shoulder slowly, glaring holes through Natasha, “One would think that you’d be a little more grateful, considering you’re not currently a mess of limbs and blood out in Times Square!”

 

“I can take care of myself. I certainly don’t need some god on house-arrest to come in and pretend he’s some fucking prince charming and save me, when I had everything perfectly under control!” She countered.

 

Loki’s eye twitched. As his frustration mounted, his magic began to become finicky, and dark, crimson blood seemed to swallow the gauze around his middle. “Next time I’ll just let you die, then!”

 

“If you had just let me handle it, you wouldn’t be in this hospital bed worrying your brother sick!”

 

“Loki…” Thor muttered quietly, trying to get Loki’s attention.

 

“Why can’t you just accept that I’m not the enemy anymore? I helped you, and got hurt, yeah, but you don’t see me complaining about it! I know you don’t like me, but guess what? I don’t care. Get over it! Because until my sentence is done, I can’t go anywhere!” Loki hissed back.

 

“Loki…” Thor shook his shoulder this time, but Loki still wasn’t paying attention.

 

“Exactly for that reason!” Natasha was right behind him every step of the way, giving just as good as she got. “How do we know that you’re ‘not the enemy anymore’?”

 

“Natasha -,” Clint tried to step in.

 

“No.” Loki interjected. Taking a calming breath, the blood flow started to lessen. “I think I understand where she’s coming from.”

 

He understood, because, perhaps, he and Natasha were more alike than he would be comfortable admitting. She’d been trained to trust no-one. His circumstances had left him distrustful of everyone. After he’d brainwashed her boyfriend/lover/whatever it was she wanted to call him, and he’d turned against her and his fellow teammates, it was understandable that her feelings toward him were less than favorable. It was understandable that she would question a monster jumping in front of another monster and willingly taking a would-be lethal blow for her. Because Loki would question it himself.

 

Loki had always known that he wasn’t cut out to be a ‘hero’. He wasn’t the ‘Golden Boy’, like his older brother, Thor. He wasn’t perfect. He was the dark shadow in the corners of their bright halls, the monster that parents told their children about at night. Naturally, it wasn’t expected that he would take a would-be lethal blow for an assassin with just as much blood on her hands as his. But he’d done it. He’d done it, and was now sitting in the infirmary, fighting to heal his numerous internal wounds, calm his blubbering older brother, and fight a losing battle with a former assassin turned ‘good guy’.

 

“I’m not asking you to trust me.” Loki said slowly, barely meeting her eyes. “I don’t even know if I trust myself. Honestly? I don’t know why I did what I did. But I didn’t have an ulterior motive.” He said.

 

Thor was changing his brother’s bandages with the diligent care that only an older sibling possesses. “You should rest now, Loki. Your body needs time to heal.”

 

Natasha stared at him, hard. And then, though it came out a little tight, she forced out, “Thank you.”

 

Loki watched as the others left, leaving only Thor and Tony. Tony leaned down, kissing just above Loki’s ear, and whispered, “Love you.” Then, he left.

 

After he was sure that he was gone, Loki turned to his brother, “What does it mean when someone only seems to care about you when they’re inebriated or the other person is in lethal danger?”

 

Thor shrugged, before forcing Loki to lay down on the bed. “I don’t know.”

* * *

The first time that they had sex, it was just that. Sex. Plain and simple. Tony was more than a little drunk, and Loki was more than a little touch-starved. It had been fully consensual, of course, but Loki had gone into it knowing that nothing would possibly come out of it. Tony didn’t love him. He had had his heart stolen by that red-haired woman with the unusual name… Pepper, yes, that was it. To Tony, he was just another nameless body that he took to the sack. Maybe it was easier for Loki to look at it that way. No attachments. Because, if he were really to be honest with himself, he wanted it to be a lot more…

 

He was tired of everyone else getting their happily ever after, their turn to ‘ride off into the sunset’, and all of that shit. He was never particularly fond of cliches, but damn, for someone that had never really been ‘loved’ for who he was, they certainly seemed the epitome of a great, old fashioned love story. He hated that, every time Tony told him that ‘I love you’, he really wanted to believe him. He really wanted to believe that someone could love him unconditionally - that they could look past his faults, his insecurities, his fears, everything. He wanted Tony to love him, but he didn’t. Plain and simple.

 

Tony finished inside of him, then pulled out. Loki lay there for a moment, then made to stand up. Tony looked at him uncertainly. “Where exactly do you think that you are going?”

 

“Back to my room.” Loki said simply, as if this were totally obvious.

 

Tony grabbed his shoulder and forced him back down to the bed. “What if I said that I don’t want you to leave?”

 

“We had sex. That’s it. You don’t have to pretend that it actually meant something.” Loki fought out of his grip, quickly dressing himself. “This doesn’t have to change anything. It was just a one-time thing, is all.”

 

Tony rolled his eyes. Reaching for Loki again, he pulled him back down onto the bed. “I don’t want you to leave. Please… just stay here tonight?”

 

Loki looked at him uncertainly. “Why?”

 

“I don’t like sleeping alone.” Tony said.

 

It made it worse, crawling back into bed with him. It made him feel as if he were crawling back on his hands and knees after being jilted by his lover. He hated to admit how it made his stomach turn. He wanted Tony to look at him the same way that he looked at Pepper. Pepper, who was already in another relationship, and wasn’t about to come back to Tony like he thought that she would. He did it anyway, and it made him feel lower than low. Why did he do this to himself? Why did he torture himself? Tony would never feel the same way about him… so why couldn’t he find the willpower to climb out of that bed and walk away?

 

Tony wrapped him up in his arms and started to doze off, and Loki watched him through half-lidded eyes, the man that he could never have. “Tony…”

 

But Tony was already knocked out, and in sleepy tones, offered, “Love you, Pepper.”

 

And just like that, broke Loki’s heart.

* * *

Loki was dressed in tattered old clothes, paint splattered over his clothes and face, sweat dotting his brow. The gaping hole in Stark Tower glared angrily at him. “And why can’t I use my magic to fix this?”

 

Tony looked at him from where he was seated at his desk on the other side of the hole, head cocked to the side, “Because, last time I checked, it was your magic that caused it.”

 

Honestly, it was kind of hot, watching Loki repair the building all on his own. Tony was fully aware that he wouldn’t be able to finish all of the work on his own, but he was doing what he could - and willingly, he might add - and that was more than enough, at least as far as Tony was concerned. From the way he was getting winded lifting the materials, however, Tony was starting to pick up on the fact that Loki wasn’t one for manual labor. He took frequent breaks, eyeing the way that the damage seemed to grow instead of shrink as he labored on. He was glaring daggers at the mess, frustratedly wiping at his brow.

 

“Did the hole get bigger?” He asked, disbelieving.

 

“I don’t know.” Tony shrugged. But it did look like that was the case. “Let me know when you want to take a break. I made some lemonade.”

 

Loki raised an eyebrow. “Is it poisonous?”

 

“Funny.” Tony rolled his eyes, before drinking some, just to prove his point. “See, perfectly fine.”

 

He did a considerable amount of repair work, before deciding to take Tony up on that offer of lemonade. Tony patted the space beside him on the desk and Loki hopped up, sitting beside him and sipping the slightly bitter drink. They both stared out the giant hole that Loki’s magic had created, overlooking the beauty that was the hustling, bustling streets of New York City. They drank in silence, Loki recounting what had happened just a week before - falling into bed with Tony Stark was certainly a memorable experience - and Tony thinking about his failed relationship with Pepper, which was, perhaps, for the better.

 

“Not one for manual labor, huh?” He had to ask, had to break the silence. If he just let it stretch on, he was sure that he’d go insane.

 

Loki shrugged. “I was the runt of the litter. They didn’t think that I would last a month, but I’ve survived for centuries. I simply never acquired much muscle mass, and my stamina is virtually nonexistent.”

 

“Well, I have to admit, watching you actually perform manual labor is really hot.” Tony said softly.

 

Loki stretched uneasily, bones cracking and popping that probably shouldn’t have been moving at all. “Well, take it in while you can. Tomorrow, I probably won’t be moving.”

 

“Aww, you want me to draw you a warm bath? That’ll definitely keep you from stiffening up too bad.” Tony said.

 

Loki laughed, and it was a full, broken sound. “And why would you do that?”

 

“Because I like to take care of those that I love.” Tony said simply.

 

Loki didn’t answer. He didn’t answer because he didn’t want to admit that he really wanted that to be the truth. Tony just tossed around the idea of ‘love’ so easily, not realizing that love was all that Loki had ever really wanted. He didn’t realize that every time he casually threw that word around, he was slowly breaking Loki apart. Finishing his cup of lemonade - it had been good, he hated to admit it - he put it aside and went back to working on the building. And if he accepted the warm bath later, well… he never could refuse Tony, especially not when he was so in love with him, and was hanging on to the idea that it could be returned.

* * *

“I threw out the ring.” Tony said suddenly, sitting up in bed beside Loki. Loki was a little more than slightly ashamed to admit he’d fallen into bed with Tony more than once since that first time…

 

“What ring?” Loki asked absently. He had a feeling he didn’t really want to know, but just had to ask anyhow.

 

“I was going to propose to her. Pepper, that is. When we broke up, I kept the ring, thinking it was only a matter of time until we got back together. I threw the ring out today.” He explained.

 

Slowly, Loki propped himself up on his elbow. He lazily rubbed the sleep from his eyes, “Why?”

 

“Because I realized that my attachment to her was hurting the one person that I really loved. The person who has stuck by me the whole time… I’ve been hurting him all along, and he just let me do it. It’s time that I put a stop to it.”

 

“Tony -,” but Tony cut him off.

 

“I love you, Loki.” And when he kissed him this time, Loki knew that he meant it.

 

 


End file.
